You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
