Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
