On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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