We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
