OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
