yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize