Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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