Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
