just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
