Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was like getting head from an anaconda
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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