ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize