once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
