Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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