Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
