Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
