oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
