If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
