I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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