I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
