ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
