My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
