I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
