this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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