hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
