Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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