so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
