Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
