SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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