How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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