I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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