was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
