You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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