he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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