No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
