I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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