So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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