I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
