dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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