At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
