I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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