I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize