Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
