I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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