I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The beer is more important than you right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
