I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
