well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize