I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
