and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize