I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dignity is for republicans.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
