end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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