Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
