I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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