Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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