i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
