Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize