I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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