Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
