epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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