I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it hurts more in the daytime
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
