it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
