how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
