So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
