I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
